it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize