Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize