i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just pee around me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
