I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
