I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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