you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
not ubering you a puppy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
