he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
