Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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