you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
