When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
