What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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