i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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