You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
