saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
