I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
