apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
