my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
