What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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