it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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