If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You pole danced in your parka.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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