No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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