I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
