I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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