Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
