Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
