I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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