If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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