thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize