I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
