You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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