Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her

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(612): View more from Minnesota

the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

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(301): View more from Maryland

It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form

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(951): View more from California

It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.

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(239): View more from Florida

MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.

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(480): View more from Arizona

We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.

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(907): View more from Alaska

He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?

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(907): View more from Alaska

Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.

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