You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
