why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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