i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
