The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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