Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
