Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
