so explain again why im purple
no
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
