hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
