Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
