Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
