Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
