Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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