Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
