There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
