Umm I'm too high to move.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I touched a dick in church today
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