If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
