If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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