It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
