so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
