I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
