Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
