My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
