I love black thongs
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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