So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
