I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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