I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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