definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
