I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
