Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
