Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
