So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
