I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
