I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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