Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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