I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
